Today, we have a sweet little guest blog by Friend Of The Facts Jake Rennels! For those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting Jake, he is an avid Organized Play GM, with over 125 SFS tables to his name - talking easily over 500 hours of Society games! When he's not writing his own to-be-published adventures, he serves as the Society Venture Captain for the St. Louis, MO and Western Illinois areas. You can find him on the Paizo boards under the alias FreedomSnake, on twitter @jakerennels, and on facebook /jakerennels. Now, let's see what he created for us, hmm?
The Galaxy’s Greatest
Coffee!
You know that
community culinary food synthesizer in your ship’s galley? The one everyone on
your ship uses, but no one seems to clean or remember to turn off? The one you
dump a handful of UPBs into as you look at it in disgust while making that
same, tired, not-quite-right cup of coffee when you first start your shift? Of
course not, neither do I, but let us not kid ourselves. We all know someone who
does; and I am sure it’s a terrible thing to experience. Fortunately for you, I
have recently discovered a new chain of bistros popping up in outposts and
settlements throughout Near Space known as Celestial Credits Coffee.
Unsurprisingly, most of the beings I have come across have simply abbreviated
the name, calling it 3C.
The menu offerings at
3C look typical at first glance: the usual fare of elaborately named, seemingly
overpriced coffee and food most modern bistros seem to serve these days. The
menu itself, however, is anything but typical. Although they offer an app for
ordering in advance, the on-site menu is clearly designed to be its own wonderful
experience. The visual aspect is created by the somewhat archaic means of
rubbing various soft, brightly colored rocks against a prominently displayed
sheet of hardened stone in hard-to-reach but easy-to-read locations. This is
unusual, of course, but is hardly the most remarkable part. Everyone I have
talked to sees the menu written in their native language (if they have one).
Even more extraordinary is how unnecessary the ocular onslaught of brightly
colored rubbings actually is. Anyone who enters the place just seems to know
what’s on the menu without needing to actually see it. This is a feature that
is incredibly handy for those who don’t rely on sight, or for those who prefer
not to experience something similar to looking at a bryrvath.
Another curiosity I have
witnessed is the frequent ordering of items not on the menu. A seemingly
popular one appears to only be available as a dine-in option. The barista
brings out three aquatic-in-origin half-shell serving boats. The first two are
filled to the brim, each containing a different liquid. The third is an empty
shell identical to the first two. Now, I have yet to figure out how they do it,
but the patron invariably performs the seemingly impossible task of pouring the
contents of the two full shells into the single empty shell, then drinks the
entire concoction at once. I once asked someone how they managed to make the
contents of the two shells fit into the third, but they burst into hysterical
laughter as if I had asked them how to do something as trivial as drink a glass
of water.
Remarkably, it is not
the periodically updated menu, the uniqueness of its items, or the secret offerings
that stand out the most. 3C does not seem to be as much a coffee shop as it is
a cultural experience. Species from all over the galaxy appear to be drawn to
their locations, some of whom will readily admit to going far out of their way
just to grab a cup of coffee. And while many of the patrons are coming and
going just as quickly, there is a calm, relaxed atmosphere. Soft lighting fills
a lobby full of plush furniture. There is free infosphere access available to
all. Decorations, paintings, and digital art from independent, local artists
adorn the walls. Like the art, the dishware (except for the shells) is
hand-crafted by local artisans and available for purchase. There is even a
discount for bringing your previously-purchased dishware to reduce waste and
support local economies. Every Celestial Credits Coffee location is a tribute
to the talents of its region of Near Space.
I am told the shells
are responsibly sourced from an aquatic colony who wish to remain anonymous and
sell them to 3C as a means of reducing their own waste when they are no longer
needed. What an excellent and responsible way to repurpose one ecosystem’s
detritus to bring an enlightened coffee experience to others. If you should
find yourself in the vicinity of a 3C, I strongly urge you to experience this
wonderful establishment. And if any of you reading this is already a regular
patron of Celestial Credits Coffee and knows, I implore you to tell me how to
use the 3C shells!
Perplexed,
- Sir Percival
Reginald Alouicious Theophilus the Third, Esq.
Celestial
Credits Coffee
Not much is
known about the proprietors of Celestial Credits Coffee. Like many franchises,
they seemed to appear suddenly and out of nowhere, quickly appearing all over
Near Space transit hubs. One would be hard-pressed to find anyone who has
something negative to say about the company. Most visitors return as often as
is convenient. Some will go further out of their way than others to visit.
Whether it be the local community support, the comfortable atmosphere, the way
the aromas permeate the facility, the secret menu, or the fact that the menu
changes every 20 days, Celestial Credits Coffee has one of the highest customer
satisfaction rates anywhere.
Interestingly,
every franchise operator is a member of the local community where the bistro is
established, who was gifted the franchise. Usually plucked from obscurity,
these lucky recipients are transported to an undisclosed corporate training
facility where they are trained and equipped to manage their local store. These
franchise owners overwhelmingly express joy and gratitude for the opportunity
they have been given. When confronted, they don’t offer many details about
their training and won’t disclose the facility’s location, citing a
Non-Disclosure Agreement with the company.
It isn’t
uncommon to hear stores of corporations trying to buy into or outright acquire
local stores, but they are always met by a team of lawyers that ardently
protects the owner, publicly campaigning the importance of the business remaining
locally owned and operated. This invariably garners significant public
opposition, resulting in the corporation backing down.
Every employee and
franchise owner is taught about the unique blend of magic used to make the menu
accessible to all but does not know the truth of its abilities. They believe it
is a very high-level blending of comprehend languages and mindlink
made able to benefit a seemingly unlimited number of patrons at once without
the need for direct contact. How exactly this magical effect is achieved is a
closely guarded secret.
Celestial
Credits Coffee Menu Trap (CR 20)
Every
Celestial Credits Coffee establishment has a prominently displayed, magically
constructed menu that emanates an Aura of Advertising throughout the entire
establishment, regardless of the size of the location. Although written in an
unknown language, any creature attempting to read this brightly colored menu
sees it in their preferred language and can read it as easily as they would
read anything else as per the spell comprehend languages. Additionally,
any creature who telepathically or audibly expresses a desire to know what is
on the menu suddenly knows the menu contents as per the spell mindlink.
CELESTIAL CREDITS COFFEE
MENU TRAP CR 20
XP 307,200
Type magical; Perception
DC 50 Disable Mysticism DC 45 (interrupt the aura of advertising)
Trigger location; Reset 1 round
Aura aura of advertising (75 ft.)
Effect all creatures in range who attempt to read or otherwise learn
what is on the menu do so as per comprehend languages or mindlink
as applicable to the creature’s senses. If a creature fails its will saving
throw, the already present sights, smells, and sounds are subtly amplified and
made more appealing to the creature. Upon exiting the establishment, the trap
suggests that Celestial Credits Coffee is the best coffee there is and is worth
making an extra effort to return and purchase more coffee in the near future,
especially because of the positive impact it leaves on the local community. All
information gleaned about a creature by the menu is uploaded into the Celestial
Credits Coffee central database in real-time. No data is stored locally.
AURA OF ADVERTISING 6
School divination
Casting Time 1 round
Range aura (75 ft. radius)
Targets all intelligent creatures
Duration 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes
This aura is a unique blend of three existing spell components, acting as an
aura of comprehend languages, mindlink, and a 5th level hack
wetware spell (CL 20).
